eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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