how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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