This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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