she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
