I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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