am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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