I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
from now on my penis is your penis
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
