please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
