Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
