Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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