So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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