your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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