im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just had sex bonerless
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
