I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
