I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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