Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
