we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
