You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
