No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
