he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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