You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
