id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
