I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
