I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize