I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize