i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can I color on your dick again?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
