Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
