either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
