Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
