Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
