Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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