i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
