getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
