if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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