When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
