Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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