Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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