Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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