It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
