So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
