yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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