You're my little dorito
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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