I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
