i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
