i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
