So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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