"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
