I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
