my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
