it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
