hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
