i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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