Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
