I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
