omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
