Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.