I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?