i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
