Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
