literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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