Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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