no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
