Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
