Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
