Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
