I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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