I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
