dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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