It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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