You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
