Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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