He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
