Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
