Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
