When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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