shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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